Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
