you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
