Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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