Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
