the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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