you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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