Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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