I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
