So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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