If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
