I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
