you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
