I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
