Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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