I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
