Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
