It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
