the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
