Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize