Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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