Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So much rum. So many feels.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
