If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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