I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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