he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
