The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
