yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
