i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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