You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Did I show you my penis last night?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize