You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
