I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
