I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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