I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
