maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she peed on how many people?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
