It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize