I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
