She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
