god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
