He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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