Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
