I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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