if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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