Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize