What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
