i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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