Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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