Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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