You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
