Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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