the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
