Pappa wants mamma naked
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
