how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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