a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
