What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
