so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
