Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
