So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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