I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
