There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
