I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
