I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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