I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
