Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
