do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
