I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
