adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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