I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
