He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
