if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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