wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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