You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
