You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
