There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
