Tell her she can't have a vagina
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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