porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
