We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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