oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize
