the condom got lost in my hair
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Houston, we have a squirter
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
