Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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