Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize