he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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