There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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