when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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