Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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