is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
