Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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