Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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