Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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