It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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