So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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