Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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