Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize