ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
