I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
