Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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