Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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