if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
