you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
