you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
