peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
