need another drink. this is the easiest way
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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