Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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