We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
