i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
